Tuesday, March 18, 2008
I didn't win.
I didn't win the HGTV Dream Home. The woman who won was a white heterosexual Iowan who looked remarkably like Jeri Ryan and already owns a beautiful home.Her response to winning was so underwhelming that I cannot help but believe that a horrible mistake was made in determining the Grand Prize winner or worse, that the contest was rigged.The overzealous and contrived Lauren Lake (host of HGTV's "Spice up my Kitchen"), presented the prize as if she were announcing the second coming of Christ, right there in the winner's living room. To make up for this aggressive display of excitement, the winner showed the emotion appropriate to a Stepford Wife, having to stub her toe repeatedly into the coffee table to even muster up a single tear.I don't know about you, but if someone just told me that I had won a multi-million dollar home, I would have spontaneously experienced every bodily function available to me whilst screaming out the names of Gods I don't even believe in. The lack of gratitude displayed by the winner clearly illustrates how spoiled a nation we have become. If I were supreme dictator of HGTV contests I would have said "You know what, based upon your reaction, I don't think you really want this Home, let's go find a family who does".Well, there's always next year.