Monday, April 28, 2008

Monday again...

I'm sensing a pattern here. Can you feel it? Are your arm hairs standing on end?
So, I busted ass last week to prepare for the islandsfest at Davis Islands and although the organizers were lovely people, and the day , something out of a fairy tale about good weather, The event itself was a little...meh. I'm still learning about outdoor festivals so it was a good teach and I did meet some very cool peeps who had nice things to say about my Sea Dragon Plates and Paintings. I also finally met artist Carolina Cleere who's work I've admired for the past couple of years. I love the dreamlike quality of her mixed media pieces...especially the more disturbing montages. They're like tequila candy with a worm inside and I like that.
I also like that I was able to add a beautiful painting by Julie Jewel to my art collection. Her work is symbolically rich, deeply personal and utterly gorgeous. Go look at her art and read her blog too while you're at it. She'll be showing in Massachussetts soon, so if you're lucky enough to live in the area go see her stuff in person!

Recall above when I mentioned my ass busting session for the islands-fest? Well, it's the latest of many such sessions and I'm sure some of you will relate to the fact that when I have a lot of work to produce I tend to spread out all over the place. Since I share space with my loved ones this activity isn't always gleefully welcomed. I came to a realization this week that people who do not produce art really don't comprehend the process. I was exhausted after "the session" and although I cleaned my ground zero disaster site up, I left another randomnly organized super-fund site on the dining room table. By Sunday, it was causing duress. I certainly had no intention of leaving it there for days but shit... One extra day would have been nice. What I'm getting at is that I feel really drained after a big art attack. I need a little time and space to just shut off from it afterwards. Additionally, it helps me to SEE the things I'm working on. It keeps me motivated. When I have to put everything away and take everything out, over and over it kind of fucks with my flow. I think there's a misconception that because I am gratified by what I do that it isn't hard work. Conversely, I don't want to be unfair about my needs as an artist. I don't really WANT to invade the common space in my home, but not having to travel somewhere to work seems to keep me on track. I'd love to have a dedicated space inside my house, or a shed or something but there's no way that's happening in an apartment with two adults, two cats and a teenager. Then when I talk like this I feel like an ingrate. It's all just so confusing.
There's a real battle going on surrounding all of this right now and I just don't know how to resolve it. The art demands to be in the world.

It. Demands. It.

I have no choice but to submit my will to what it wants...and for this I am told that my "dreams" are making "everyone in the house" uncomfortable.Conversely my peeps can be very supportive; coming to shows giving me the space I need to paint in our small home. I suppose it's the inconsistency that is hard for me to handle. I'm not able to switch the creative flow on and off when it suits people. For years I suppressed the demands of my muse and well, I guess I just can't anymore. I don't know how to keep the peace and do what I'm meant to, fulfill my cosmic obligations. I suppose if I look at the issues more critically they go deeper than a pile of random shit on a table. It's not something I neccesarily want to confront in any real way but sooner or later I suppose avoidance won't be an option anymore.


Julie Ayotte said...

Yay! Thanks for the nice mention of me. :) I came to read your Blog and that was a total surprise.

I just want to say I totally relate to pretty much everything you have written here. I, too, live in a two bedroom apartment except with a roommate. I pretty much contain my creating to my bedroom because I don't think leaving a mess in a common area would go over too well. When I am working on a ton of stuff it basically looks like a bomb hit my room. I feel like I need everything spread out and accessible to work, and I don't generally clean up every time I create--I would just never go back to it. Yet, the mess kind of ends up bugging me out because it's right in my bedroom where I have to live every day therefore it's kind of hard to avoid. I really would like to have a home someday where I can dedicate a space to art-making. But for now this is just the way it has to be.

I am lucky in that I don't really have outside pressures to contain my mess--but I pressure myself. I should be more understanding of the mess. If I live in an art mess for a few weeks or months, really what is the big damn deal? You are right--you can't just turn the need to create on and off to suit others or make your space look "pretty". Just doesn't work that way.

Ok, that was just about the longest comment ever in history, LOL! I always love reading what you have to say.

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Jenny said...

First off I ADORE your sea dragon paintings! I honestly didn't know such things even existed before seeing your paintings and reading your descriptions. At first, I thought they were figments of your creative brain!! Fascinating! Also, I too work better in a chaotic atmosphere. On the days were I am so disgusted with my space that I attempt to organize, my mind goes blank. Thankfully, I have a room dedicated to my chaos and it doesn't bother anyone. I am lucky.

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